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Excerpts from the Staggering Stories Blog:


Staggering Stories Podcast #321: Genesis of Dusty Bin
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 11 Aug 2019 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Jean Riddler, Keith Dunn and Steven Clare review Doctor Who: Genesis of the Daleks and Stranger Things 3, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 01:11 — Welcome! 01:51 – News: 01:59 — The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy: […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #320: Splendiferous Spider-man and Spitting Spiridon
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 28 Jul 2019 13:33

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Fake Keith, Jean Riddler and the Real Keith Dunn review Doctor Who: Planet of the Daleks and the 2019 film Spider-man: Far from Home, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 01:11 — Welcome! 01:54 – News: 02:05 — […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #319: Stallone Isn’t the Law
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 14 Jul 2019 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Fake Keith, Jean Riddler and the Real Keith Dunn review Big Finish’s Doctor Who: The Tenth Doctor Adventures Volume 3 boxset and the 1995 Stallone film Judge Dredd, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 01:12 — Welcome! 02:20 […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #318: Phoenix Crashing
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 30 Jun 2019 08:50

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins and Keith Dunn review Big Finish’s Doctor Who: The First Doctor Adventures Volume 1 boxset and the 2019 film X-Men: Phoenix Rising, discuss their time at Big Finish Day 2019, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 01:20 — […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #317: Dalek Resurrections and Apocalyptic Revelations
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 16 Jun 2019 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Fake Keith, Jean Riddler and the Real Keith Dunn review Doctor Who: Resurrection of the Daleks and the Good Omens TV mini-series, have a 30 second recommendation, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 01:28 — Welcome! 02:39 – News: 02:46 […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #316: Landing the Ending
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 02 Jun 2019 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Fake Keith, the Real Keith Dunn and Steven Clare review Doctor Who: Black Orchid, discuss the ending to Game of Thrones, play a game, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 01:47 — Welcome! 02:23 – News: 02:32 — Doctor Who: […]

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News of the Universes Alf Roland

By Alf Roland
Chief Pan-Universal Correspondent

Super Kirk to the rescue! Kirk gets motoring! Super Kirk saving Orion slave girl

Legendary starship mascot Captain James T. 'Super' Kirk is reported missing after he daringly saved an Orion slave-girl from drowning yesterday.

Last month the three year running 'Fatman of the Year' winner was sentenced to indefinite Community Service after his streak-athon shocked the United Federation of Planets and caused an unprecedented surge in suicide rates. At his trail he claimed temporary insanity after the loss of his friend Spock: "I - just couldn't - believe it. Spock - my - Spock - floating in that pool of - excrement. Never again - those sweet, sweet pointy - ears..."

Trial judge, Justice Brian Mutton, accepted the argument and sentenced the disgraced wig wearer to serve the community, refrain from singing (or dramatically interpreting) and never again to publicly show any flesh but his arms, legs and head. Leaches close to Kirk claim the final point, in particular, was a savage blow that would prevent him from ripping open his shirt in public - even if it were just to suckle his pet Horta.

In a statement from his lawyers after the sentencing, Kirk announced his intentions: "Our client deeply regrets the psychological damage done to Federation citizens, even if it did make the Romulans decide against invading, by his indecent behaviour. We are also relieved that Judge Mutton dismissed the unrelated charges of Tribble cruelty. Captain Kirk has decided that he will serve the people by rebranding himself as 'Super Kirk' - Protector of the Innocent. He is to don a skin-tight costume, that is in no way designed to flout his sentence, and become the two dimension superhero we all know him to be."

Reports suggest several test flights with Jet Boots failed, even the 23rd Century cannot offer the technology necessary to lift Kirk's mass with anything smaller than a juggernaut. Instead he is said to have decided he would test a revolutionary powered surf board and, as sources close to the convicted flasher put it: "Go Hasselhoff".

Yesterday saw the launching of Super Kirk in a special ceremony where a group of his most ardent critics were given the opportunity to each smash a bottle of Champagne over his head before his unconscious form was allowed to roll down the beach into the sea. Medical doctor, long term friend and wino, Dr. Leonard McCoy, was on hand to patch up his old captain. When asked why he'd used needles and thread to fix Kirk's wounds instead of a dermal regenerator he is quoted as saying: "My god, man... I'm a butcher, not a doctor!"

Details of what happened next are sketchy but it is clear that Kirk felt well enough to start work immediately. Holidaying Orion slave-girl, Vellow, allegedly spotted Kirk on his motorised surf board and became so distressed by the sight voluntarily attempted to drown herself. Super Kirk, always able to spot an exotic alien beauty with a sixth sense that science has yet to explain, shot to the rescue. Some have suggested she would have been his first conquest since sharing a prison cell with apparently immortal beings George and Zippy, aka the One Armed Bandits.

Upon bring Vellow safely back to shore Super Kirk is said to have been distraught by her rejection of his advances and immediately set sail again. Life guards report Super Kirk didn't meet his scheduled return time and music lovers worldwide are praying something bad has happened to him.

In a possibly unrelated event, rumour has it that several hours later what has been described as a 'beached whale' has washed up on the shore a few miles from Super Kirk's last known position. The News of the Universes will, of course, keep you updated on events as they unfold.