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Excerpts from the Staggering Stories Blog:


Staggering Stories Podcast #313: The Other Captain Marvel
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 21 Apr 2019 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Fake Keith, Jean Riddler and the Real Keith Dunn review the 2019 film Shazam!, come up with some Doctor Who ideas for Big Finish, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 01:49 — Welcome! 02:35 – News: 02:46 — […]


Staggering Stories Commentary #228: Doctor Who – Resolution
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 14 Apr 2019 08:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins and Keith Dunn sit down, driven, in front of 2019’s Doctor Who episode ‘Resolution’, and spout our usual nonsense! Aaron knows how to stall the plot, Lin is being taken for a ride and the Doctor has some serious skids. But enough of their problems, please sit down with […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #312: Wigs and the Rani
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 07 Apr 2019 08:15

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Fake Keith, Jean Riddler, the Real Keith Dunn and Steven Clare review the Sylvester McCoy’s debut Doctor Who story Time and the Rani, discuss the Sounds of Thunder audio Annual 2019, celebrate Fake Keith’s birthday, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro […]


Staggering Stories Commentary #227: Doctor Who – Dimensions in Time
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 31 Mar 2019 13:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins and Keith Dunn sit down, baffled, in front of 1993’s Doctor Who 30th anniversary story ‘Dimensions in Time’, and spout our usual nonsense! The Doctor is randomly swapping bodies, companions are coming and going and the Rani wants to visit the set of EastEnders. But enough of their problems, […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #311: An Earthly Marvel
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 24 Mar 2019 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins and Keith Dunn review the Big Finish Doctor Who stories An Earthly Child and Relative Dimensions, discuss the 2019 Captain Marvel film, talk about media we’ve been consuming, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 00:44 — Welcome! 01:35 […]


Staggering Stories Commentary #226: Doctor Who – The Battle of Ranskoor Av Kolos
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 17 Mar 2019 08:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins and Keith Dunn sit down, forgetting, in front of the 2018 Doctor Who episode ‘The Battle of Ranskoor Av Kolos’, and spout our usual nonsense! Paktraki’s memory is entirely plot driven, Graham is out for revenge and Lady Jane from Lovejoy lost her critical thinking millennia ago. But enough […]

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RetroRobot

Mr. Dalek: The Saga Of The Miraculous Mr. Dalek

Translated from the Kaledalekt by RetroRobot - ("RetroRobots Conquer & Enjoy!")


You can also listen to the Narrated The Saga Of The Miraculous Mr. Dalek as an MP3 (2,868 KB).

[Beware: relentless Dalekscansion and evil mutant Rhymingschemes!]

("ahem - mmwohhh-ohhhh!")

In elegance sartorial (and attitude 'conquorial')
magnificent Mr.Dalek's gliding by,
All eagerly aspy with the apple of his eye
(toffeestick wiv wafers inna stack)
And blue bubblegumdrops
in their silver backstops,
Angled panels glinting in the light.

Waves his plunger all about
setting enemies to rout,
For there really is no doubt
that a plunger is a terrifying sight!
With a tinny-tiny sonic attack
as he verbals warbly back
Before exterminating them wot gave him chat.

For his mini-Dalek might
(and we know he maybe could)
means that Mr.Dalek's bite,
For such a mite, is really rather good!
From a Dalek-view at any rate
it's good just to "Exterminate!"
- what else is a little Dalek's zapper for?!

Though he might think once or twice that it maybe isn't nice
When it gets you end up face-down on the floor!
But he just waited (as Daleks can do)
ever so long for his ultimate rescue,
Passing the time in endless review
(and hideously imaginative revenge-reveries)
of Mr.Dalek's long short-list of exterminatees:

First to be dealt with were Wakko & Jakko and Dot
(who'd pushed him off the shelf, down the back,
hoping he'd never be found or come back)
They were especially marked for extermination
- a justified end to their cowardly station.
Overlooking, of course, the real Why It Was Done
being, sneaky or not, they'd nonetheless Won!

Then old ScoobyDoo and feisty young Fred
- long on the list, but very soon dead!
Next Pinky & theBrain who
joined Mr.Dalek to 'Take Over Tha Woild',
But like all who serve Daleks their ambitions wuz foiled!

He saved Velma & Daphne & ShaggyDoll
from being stalked by theCreeper,
but only to eliminate competition - the cheater.
He knocked-off that monster who crept on the shelf
so Mr.Dalek could torment the rest for himself!

He also destroyed theMysteryMachine,
'''There's only one 'machine-of-mystery' on this little scene,
So it just had to go - you see what I mean!'''
shouted tough Mr.Dalek, menacingly
and pointing his zapper; pointedly.

But where would he be (all alone, sadly)
once he'd exterminated all of his friends?
Thank "jinkies" they're like Timelords
and regenerate when killed,
Again and again and agains...

To fulfil their roles as Dalek-fodder
(their inventive demises increasingly odder)
Happy shrieks of pain and terror
mean music to our ears
Except when our Dalek gets smacked on the spheres!

(Ballsy he may be, with plenty of spunk,
this miniscule bully, Mr.Dalek the punk.
But surely he'll feel 26 times the pain
if he gets a kick in the Balls once again!)

But nevertheless his ambition is endless
- undaunted by size, Mr.Dalek's relentless.
From revoking the Santa clause
to roping the Pope,
He'll take on anyone regardless of hope!

So how far I may wonder
and whenever in Rome
I'll remember Mr.dalek
and how he got home!

("The Eaaarrrrgh!!!")*


[* a Dalek knock-knock (or "plung-plung") joke: ]

"Knock-knock"
"Who's there?"
"Dalek!"
"Dalek wh-argh!"(Zap-sizzle)

Mr Dalek's Christmas