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Excerpts from the Staggering Stories Blog:


Staggering Stories Commentary #224: Doctor Who – The Witchfinders
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 17 Feb 2019 08:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins and Keith Dunn sit down, ducking, in front of the 2018 Doctor Who episode ‘The Witchfinders’, and spout our usual nonsense! The Doctor gets herself tied up, Yaz has an encounter with a tentacle monster and Ryan has an unwelcome admirer. But enough of their problems, please sit down […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #308: Pearls Before Masters
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 10 Feb 2019 08:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Fake Keith, Jean Riddler and the Real Keith Dunn discuss their visit to the Doctor Who convention ‘Science of the Time Lords’, listen to Big Finish’s The War Master: Only the Good, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 00:48 — […]


Staggering Stories Commentary #223: Doctor Who – Kerblam!
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 03 Feb 2019 08:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins and Keith Dunn sit down, unboxing, in front of the 2018 Doctor Who episode ‘Kerblam!’, and spout our usual nonsense! The Doctor is overexcited by the Kerblam Man, Graham’s become a professional scrubber and Twirly has taken up smoking. But enough of their problems, please sit down with us […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #307: The Irksome Doctors
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 27 Jan 2019 08:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Fake Keith and the Real Keith Dunn debate each Doctor’s more irritating traits, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 01:09 — Welcome! 01:50 – News: 01:58 — Doctor Who: When the War Master Met the Eighth Doctor. 03:27 […]


Staggering Stories Commentary #222: Doctor Who – Demons of the Punjab
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 20 Jan 2019 08:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins and Keith Dunn sit down, fated, in front of the 2018 Doctor Who episode ‘Demons of the Punjab’, and spout our usual nonsense! Yaz wants to interfere with her grandmother, Prem has his card marked and the Doctor walks away. But enough of their problems, please sit down with […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #306: Seasonal Ranking
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 13 Jan 2019 08:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Jean Riddler and Keith Dunn discuss the 2019 Doctor Who New Year’s Special, rank the eleven ‘New Who’ Doctor Who series, play a game, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 01:40 — Welcome! 02:14 – News: 02:25 — […]

RetroRobot

Mr. Dalek: The Saga Of The Miraculous Mr. Dalek

Translated from the Kaledalekt by RetroRobot - ("RetroRobots Conquer & Enjoy!")


You can also listen to the Narrated The Saga Of The Miraculous Mr. Dalek as an MP3 (2,868 KB).

[Beware: relentless Dalekscansion and evil mutant Rhymingschemes!]

("ahem - mmwohhh-ohhhh!")

In elegance sartorial (and attitude 'conquorial')
magnificent Mr.Dalek's gliding by,
All eagerly aspy with the apple of his eye
(toffeestick wiv wafers inna stack)
And blue bubblegumdrops
in their silver backstops,
Angled panels glinting in the light.

Waves his plunger all about
setting enemies to rout,
For there really is no doubt
that a plunger is a terrifying sight!
With a tinny-tiny sonic attack
as he verbals warbly back
Before exterminating them wot gave him chat.

For his mini-Dalek might
(and we know he maybe could)
means that Mr.Dalek's bite,
For such a mite, is really rather good!
From a Dalek-view at any rate
it's good just to "Exterminate!"
- what else is a little Dalek's zapper for?!

Though he might think once or twice that it maybe isn't nice
When it gets you end up face-down on the floor!
But he just waited (as Daleks can do)
ever so long for his ultimate rescue,
Passing the time in endless review
(and hideously imaginative revenge-reveries)
of Mr.Dalek's long short-list of exterminatees:

First to be dealt with were Wakko & Jakko and Dot
(who'd pushed him off the shelf, down the back,
hoping he'd never be found or come back)
They were especially marked for extermination
- a justified end to their cowardly station.
Overlooking, of course, the real Why It Was Done
being, sneaky or not, they'd nonetheless Won!

Then old ScoobyDoo and feisty young Fred
- long on the list, but very soon dead!
Next Pinky & theBrain who
joined Mr.Dalek to 'Take Over Tha Woild',
But like all who serve Daleks their ambitions wuz foiled!

He saved Velma & Daphne & ShaggyDoll
from being stalked by theCreeper,
but only to eliminate competition - the cheater.
He knocked-off that monster who crept on the shelf
so Mr.Dalek could torment the rest for himself!

He also destroyed theMysteryMachine,
'''There's only one 'machine-of-mystery' on this little scene,
So it just had to go - you see what I mean!'''
shouted tough Mr.Dalek, menacingly
and pointing his zapper; pointedly.

But where would he be (all alone, sadly)
once he'd exterminated all of his friends?
Thank "jinkies" they're like Timelords
and regenerate when killed,
Again and again and agains...

To fulfil their roles as Dalek-fodder
(their inventive demises increasingly odder)
Happy shrieks of pain and terror
mean music to our ears
Except when our Dalek gets smacked on the spheres!

(Ballsy he may be, with plenty of spunk,
this miniscule bully, Mr.Dalek the punk.
But surely he'll feel 26 times the pain
if he gets a kick in the Balls once again!)

But nevertheless his ambition is endless
- undaunted by size, Mr.Dalek's relentless.
From revoking the Santa clause
to roping the Pope,
He'll take on anyone regardless of hope!

So how far I may wonder
and whenever in Rome
I'll remember Mr.dalek
and how he got home!

("The Eaaarrrrgh!!!")*


[* a Dalek knock-knock (or "plung-plung") joke: ]

"Knock-knock"
"Who's there?"
"Dalek!"
"Dalek wh-argh!"(Zap-sizzle)

Mr Dalek's Christmas