Andy Simpkins is Moderately Vexed by… Robbie Williams and The Beautiful South

Published: Sometime before 7th January 2002

Scum! Pondlife! Dregs!

The third pressing of the grape!

My contempt for these so-called musical artistes knows no bounds and is infinite in its loathing.

What can I say about Robbie Williams; an obnoxious little t**t who needs to be beaten down a level or seven. The only person I know who punched someone's lights out for speaking French to him, the only thing was, he was in France at the time!(Need I say more!).

As for The Beautiful South. They are on a different level of hatred altogether.

When the HouseMartins disbanded and they were about to form the Beautiful South, they insulted the Holiest of The Holy; namely Status Quo in the tabloid press by saying they did not want to go on year after year like the Quo (we are not worthy...) Well, let me tell you, who could only manage to play the Brixton Academy on their last tour and who sells out Wembley arena year after year? Not the Beautiful South, I can tell you! Who has top-selling albums and sell-out tours year after year and has an army of devoted fans spanning many age groups and walks of life? Not the Beautiful South. Who has made 100 appearances on Top of the Pops and whose name is immediately recognisable to music fans the world over? Definitely not that bunch of that bunch of washed-up barely-acknowledged, champagne-socialist cast-offs called the Beautiful South.

So tell me, just who is wearing the sticky pants now! Quo rule! (need I say more?) If I was Guest Dictator of the world for a day (taking over the job that Adam J. Purcell is secretly aspiring to through all sorts of fiendish machinations!) I would have them hung drawn and quartered, their heads stuck on poles and paraded through the streets of London for the mob to bay at!