Ritual Roast of Keith Dunn (on his 40th birthday) by Tony Gallichan

Published: 13th October 2004

Tony Gallichan is Mildly Purturbed by....Keith Dunn At Forty - an obituary,

I honestly don't know where to start. This roasting was my idea... and I find that it's difficult to contribute. You see, once I start, I honestly don't know if I'll be able to stop. Keith's like that, you see?

I first met Faddius Covington before I met him. No, really, I'm not spouting gibberish. You see, my first view of The Dunn was in the old Desmond The Dalek comic strip, wherein he played a dodgy type of merchandise dealer in a grubby raincoat.

And thats how I always think of him. I don't know why, but grubby raincoats and Keith go together so very well. He has that sort of face.

Talking of his face, it is a source of constant amusement to me that the tash old Hand Held Pixie person used to spout vanished in sympathy at the same time as his hairline.

If anything, it does maintain a sort of consistency that should be applauded.

I met him in person for the first time when, in an act of desperation I was invited by a third party, a party, for want of a better thingy, held by the Dunns.Why desperation? Well, would you like to be trapped in the same house as Keith for an indefinite period when the rest of folk there had managed to very quickly escape by drinking themselves into comas?

Well, would you? Hmm?

He'll start to talk to you, you see? And once he gets in full flow theres no stopping him.You'lll hear his views on Dave Gibbons, Joihn Ridgeway and Lee Sulivan's artwork for The Marvellous Monthly Megarama.

Why his favourite of the Timewyrm series is Apocalypse - and if that doesn't tell you what sort of a chappie old Git Face is, then I don't know what will.

Then there's that very dubious obsession with the TARDIS.

It's not right, you know.

That man knows more about the Ship then any living being, dead or alive in the world, ever, ever, ever.

Helmic Regulators? No worries, panel three (and before you moan, Dunn, I have NO idea what panel the bloody things are on).

Fault Locator? Behind the "fourth wall"

Mind you, nowadays, Young Mr Dunn tries to be blasé about things like this. It's not important. No need to get all het up about it.

Your fooling NO ONE Keithy. We know that beneath that facade of "Hmm? Oh, that" your desperater to spout forth on whatever subject happens to be driveling out of the mouths of old Tin Testicles and Crumbly.

I,of course, make perfect sense every time and am always right. I just let you win those discussions for sake of my own sanity.

Talking of which, let me tell you all about the time he deliberately made me doubt my sanity.

No, I'm serious.

He really did.

I had asked to borrow one of the Harry Potter books. However, I hadn't actually borrowed it when he asked me for it back.

My mind did a double take.

As folks know I don't have a very good memory and its been getting steadily worse. The last thing I needed was this.

I turned my flat upside down looking for this damn book. I started to panic and made plans to buy a new copy for them, full of remorse. Yet I knew I hadn't borrowed it. Or had I? Thats when I honestly started to doubt my sanity.

I've never seen anyone laugh like git face did when he told me that the book was on his dining room table whilst happily watching my face go through the complete range of emotions taught to a RADA pupil.

Was I mildly perturbed by that.

Then theres the roleplaying.

He NEVER learns. He always has such high expectations about how the rest of us will danse to his every whim.

Of course, we don't. I mean, lets face facts here., obviously if I had complete control of the group then the scenarios his devious, machiavellian thought processes dredge up out of that dark, scary place he calls a mind, would not pose any problems for us and a scenario would be over in one night.

Instead, I'm lumbered with Purcell Face and Crumbly and, well, one has to let them get a word in occasionally and make them feel appreciated and useful.

Care in the community, I believe it's called.

And we take 6 months a scenario.

You know the whole Buccaneer Chronicles' plot arc? Done to screw up my mind.

I've never heard of anyone actually using roleplaying scenarios to attempt to destroy a man.

But that's our Keithy.

Well, I say "our", I do, of course, mean Karen's. She has to have a special license to keep The Dunn and he's inspected by curious biology students twice a week.

Just in case.

However, saying all that, he's one hell of a father and his children are, believe it or not, incredibly lucky to have him. A more devoted family man you couldn't meet and it's to his eternal credit.

And, if I was tied to a metal electric chair in a dark, damp room with electrodes placed on places one doesn't want electrodes placed, I would reluctantly admit he's also a great friend.

So, happy birthday Keith.

Your now allowed to act naughty. I recommend every Sunday getting two mates and doing crazy things, like riding in a bath tub downhill, or swinging off roofs on a wobbly ladder, that sort of thing.

Tony Gallichan is not forty. He's three years younger. Hahahahahahahahahahahaha